Me: *looks at houses on the internet* 9-year-old: Are we going to move? Me: No. I'm just looking and dreaming. 9: At least look at castles.
Me: How'd you get those holes in your shirt? 5-year-old: Playing. Me: Playing what? 5: Cops vs dinosaurs. That'll do it.
7-year-old: My teacher gave us candy today. Me: That was nice of her. 7: School is finally paying off.
7-year-old: Can I have dessert? Me: You already had dessert. 7: That was just practice.
Not to brag, but I went to the grocery store without a list and didn't forget a single thing. Just kidding. I had to make two more trips, and I still don't have milk.
11-year-old: I don't have any homework in any of my classes. Me: It's your lucky day. 11: I think it's a trap.
7-year-old: Can I wear a coat in the house? Me: Okay. 7: Can I wear two coats? Me: Fine. I'll turn up the heat.
We were lost in the woods. Thankfully, a helpful rock told us exactly where we were.pic.twitter.com/z7yuCMs2wk
My 5-year-old gave the recipe I made tonight "infinity out of ten," so if you need me, I'll be running around the house high-fiving everyone like I just won the Super Bowl.
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9-year-old: *yells at her sisters* Me: It's too early to be fighting already. 9: This is still our fight from last night.
Little kids have their whole lives figured out. My 7-year-old knows what her fourth favorite color is, and I don't even know my first.
My 5-year-old was playing store. I paid her a dollar in play money, and she gave me five dollars in change. I think I just taught her embezzlement.
My 7-year-old just told my 5-year-old, "Make sure you put on some pants." She's dropping the sound sisterly advice over here.
5-year-old: Can I have tape? Me: What do you need to tape? 5: Not my hair back on.
5-year-old: Can I have soda for breakfast? Me: No. 5: But I have a good reason. Me: What reason? 5: I want it really bad.
Me: Your dress is on backwards. 7-year-old: Oh. Me: Did you wear it like that at school? On picture day? 7: I had a lot on my mind.
11-year-old: That outfit looks nice. Me: Thanks. 11: Just not on you.
7-year-old: Do you always need a license to drive a car? Me: Yes. 7: What about a motorcycle? Me: Yes. 7: What about a rocket? I don't like where this is going.