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The 3rd shifters in St. Petersburg are working hard for those bread crumbs tonight

So the Jan. 6 Committee finally voted to hold the liver spotted flesh lump more commonly known as Steve Bannon, along with his 6-layers of polo shirts, in contempt of Congress. About damn time.

I like In-N-Out. Their burgers are great. Fries? Meh. But their policy on COVID is complete trash...Not long after they opened 2 long-awaited restaurants here in Colorado, they had 145 positive cases among employees.

Hey Media - I *did* get vaccinated, so where's my damn front page story for doing what's right?

Trump thinks Jefferson wrote the Constitution. Probably thinks Lincoln wrote the Declaration of Independence and that Ben Franklin invented Twitter.

This could be an automatic bid into the Florida Man Hall of Fame right here: "Florida man uses finger guns to steal Waffle House napkins, deputies say"

is trending again, as it should.

Dear - why do you not want people liking tweets from the Web App? Because you keep taking away my likes and I have to click into the tweet itself from my TL to like it again. Am I liking too many? Should I reserve likes for something I really really like instead?

When my oldest was born in 2012, I had to use 2 weeks of accrued vacation time. Bonus Points - my boss called me 12 hours after our daughter was born and made me attend a conference call. When our youngest was born in 2017, I received 4 weeks of paid paternity leave.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia, never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line... And never complain about the food at a Waffle House.

There will be way bigger crowds celebrating Trump's passing than there were for his Inauguration.

Slept in my Johnny Cash shirt. Woke up in a Ring of Fire.

Where do the missing left socks of the Universe end up?

Dan Bongino is trending, which is a good time to remind people that if you are also abusing steroids, there are resources to help you.

I'm not always guilty of leading an insurrection, but when I am, I sue the National Archives to stop them from showing how guilty I am.